


Freefall

by strata



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, M/M, Swear Words, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29533617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strata/pseuds/strata
Summary: If this is anyone’s fault, it’s yours.
Relationships: Kim Sunoo & Park Sunghoon
Comments: 8
Kudos: 24





	Freefall

**Author's Note:**

> ** a flash (fan)fic before work. it's not what you think. **

No one knows what really happens when the lights go dim, or when the camera stops recording things in pictures that both move and don’t. It’s fine and expected though; everyone’s not supposed to have any idea in the first place. That is, except the band and the staff, the label and a few other people who need to be aware of the  _ real _ behind-the-scenes that don’t get captured or don’t become footage. They’re the true witnesses to what goes on whenever the rest of the world isn’t watching, but then as is always the case with public figures, there seems to be a vast majority who think they know fuck all about what they actually don’t, and even without being there or having any type of proof save some kind of misguided, biased interpretation of things. 

Did you like that introduction? Now wait just a second, please don’t get bored now. What do you think you’re doing, hovering your mouse or finger or whatever at that  _ back _ button? Don’t stop reading. You don’t get to walk out on this, not when I’m talking about you. Yeah,  _ you.  _

You’re reading this right?

You don’t have to deny it. And honestly, it’s a little bit too late to be shy about it now, with everything you’ve posted on the web for the public to see. I’ve read (some of) the fanfics you work so hard on, seen the fan art that fuels your fantasies, scrolled through the shameless posts that you write and share along with handpicked screen captures that you help circulate day by day. We own an internet connection too you know. It isn’t like South Korea lives in a world of its own. You think we don’t know, but we very much do. 

How the hell do you think this business works?

I know a little bit more than the rest of the band though, admittedly. But then, that’s only because I’m more curious than they are about how you think of us, of me. Now stop being a hypocrite right there—have you seriously never Googled yourself before? _ Please,  _ don’t make me laugh. I’m sure you have even  _ just _ once, wondering what you’ll find. If you’ve never done it, then it’s about time you do. But don’t make the same mistake I did. 

For your sake, do it alone. 

It had been all fun and games when I did it one night with someone else, tired beyond belief come midnight but mind wide awake. I honestly thought it was a brilliant idea at the time, genius that I am. Talk about regret. I’ve become good at that, but we’ll discuss more about regrets later. 

We looked him up first, got the usual figure skating information and a bunch of rumors that made us laugh so hard, we couldn’t speak for a good few minutes. And then it was my turn: just I-LAND things and embarrassing childhood photos. Searching our names together though, caused a different result and reaction altogether. We came face-to-face with your numerous posts, a barrage of them that surprised the hell out of us.  _ Bad idea _ was written all over the page but we pressed on like real men, forgetting we were just a couple of impressionable boys. 

It couldn’t be that bad, we said. It wouldn’t change anything between us if we ended up seeing something we didn’t like, we said. 

We were idiots. 

So there were manipulations. Those were ok. Looked friendly enough we supposed. But you know how the internet works: it sucks you down a rabbit hole. We eventually stumbled upon fanfics and fan art and everything became  _ not  _ ok. 

Do you know how awkward it is, to read about yourself in the same way we did? I suppose not. It didn’t help that you’ve put us in uncomfortable situations that no two unwilling people should ever be placed in, but the damage had been done. We read and we looked, and we lost something that night that we won’t ever get back again.

Thanks to you. 

Now let me ask you a question. Don’t you go saying no, though. You have no right to after what you’ve caused me. Just keep reading. It’ll get better. You dig this kind of shit so just sit tight and enjoy—you’re going to love what’s about to come next. So, the question: have you ever heard about the power of suggestion? You haven’t? Look it up on another tab, I’ll wait. 

  
  
  
  
  


All good? Know what it means now? Great!  _ Damn you.  _ If this is anyone’s fault, it’s yours. You’ve put these thoughts, these images, in my head, and they won’t go away. I can’t get rid of all these and it’s caused a rift to grow between us. What I mean by  _ these,  _ you ask? You really don’t know? You’ve written about it countless times! How can you have no idea? You’re really going to let me say it as if you haven’t been cruel enough, huh? 

I’m talking about my unwanted feelings, that’s what!

I’ve never felt like this before. Everyday and I have this emptiness in my chest when he’s not doing what  _ you _ said he’s going to do or mean what  _ you _ said he means. You’ve written and drawn and said a lot of things that have me seeing through your eyes, and I can’t  _ unsee,  _ no matter what I do. 

Take it back.  _ Take all of it back, damn you! _

Don’t give me that look. This is your mess as much as it’s mine. Do you have any idea how good you’ve painted him in my eyes? How well-suited you’ve made him for me? How much I’ve confused the lies and the truths and blurred the lines between us as a result, because of you? And then you have the gall to wonder why we’re so awkward. Ask yourself that. Go on, I’ll give you a bit. List it down if you have to. 

I’m sure you’ll figure it out. 

He won’t even look at me sometimes. The only time he ever seats himself by me is if it’s a set arrangement, and only because he has to. Otherwise, he stays away. But that makes it worse for me, you know? This emptiness you helped carve out in my chest, the bigger it grows? The more I want. It’s reached this disgusting, pathetic point of pining that makes my bones ache with want for something I can never have. 

Often, I have a feeling he knows. It’s probably in the way I can’t meet his eyes when we have to acknowledge each other. Because how the hell can I look? When I do, all I can see and feel are the things you told me to. It’s put such a strain on us that it’s starting to take its toll on the band too. Heeseung-hyung noticed right off the bat, but when oblivious Jake-hyung starts figuring out something’s the matter, then he’s right. There  _ is  _ something wrong. 

And stop asking useless, pointless questions! What can you possibly do, you ask?  _ Nothing.  _ And besides, I should be the one asking the questions here. You don’t get to sit there in worry and concern. I need solutions, damn it. 

_ How can you fucking do this to me? _

  
  
  
  


_ “It’s nothing and there’s nothing, and you seriously have to stop letting what the fans say and write about us get to your head.” _

_ Looking up from his bowl of instant ramyeon, Sunoo meets Sunghoon’s gaze for the first time in a long while, the older boy’s words a razor that cuts and stabs at his chest.  _

_ “Sunghoon-ah…”  _

_ Sunoo doesn’t meant to be rude, but he can’t help it. He cuts Heeseung off when the eldest of them speaks up with a hint of warning in his tone. Slamming his chopsticks down on the table with much force than intended, Sunoo speaks.  _

_ “Then I guess it’s time to follow your own advice, hyung. I’m not the one making assumptions and staying away because of whatever your secret reasons are. I’ve got nothing to hide. Do you?”  _

_ And Sunoo almost feels a sense of triumph when he sees the anger that flashes in Sunghoon’s eyes. It’s short lived. When Sunghoon speaks again, he manages to pair the cruel answer with an even crueler smile.  _

_ “Whatever, Sunoo-yah. I’m never going to fall in love with you.”  _

  
  


P.S. The next time you write a fanfic, write a happy ending, will you? I’ve got enough angst to deal with in real life and besides, you owe me that much. 


End file.
